A Crappy Christmas and here's hoping to a Brand New Year!!!!

It’s been a season that’s nowhere close to a celebration.

I’ve been so stressed lately because I heard a rumor that I’m going to be out of a job pretty soon. Not that I’m that much surprised, because it’s been an impending reality since we haven’t really producing, or in layman’s terms, getting a lot of clients.

I’m in the business, which unfortunately has been hit hard by the weakening of the real estate market (which is an understatement) and the recent recession woes.

I was in denial phase for the past 4 months.

I finally got the memo a week before Christmas.

On the more depressing news, I just got into a car accident. My car was hit hard on the driver’s side and its still in the shop and I couldn’t get it back until January 15^th, 2009.

I’m out of a job, I got car troubles and the worst is that my whole left side hurts. My shoulder has shooting pains, my shoulder blade is very tender, my left ribs are sensitive to touch, and my left pelvic muscle hurts like hell.

To top all of this I’m almost broke. I’ve never had this experience before.

I do have money to spend until the end of January, which is perfect because it’s that time of the year where I get to file taxes and hopefully get a much needed rebate.

I do have a couple of jobs lined up. The interviews are not set up until next year, which is perfect timing, since I want to get really prepared for these interviews, since I wanted the line of work.

Anyway, Happy Holidays to everyone and here’s hoping that ya’ll had a better end of the year than me.

fil-amusic.com 1st year anniversary - Yule Rock '08

http://www.youtube.com/user/bambhu

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Article coming soon!

Nothing ever hurt like you...

How long has it been?

Six years and counting….

Endless mimicry of moments of clarity…

And I still falter to that dark and gloomy place I was before. I guess I never really had any closure. I thought I did at some point, and maybe just tricked myself into thinking that I have.

Every other day, I keep wandering inside, looking for that feeling. The way you made me feel when we were still together. Everytime I get a glimpse of your face, I think I still have something left for you. Something more than what I had back then.

I’ve had recurring dreams about us. I never did understood what they meant. It feels so real everytime you’re there. Most of the time, I really just want to keep dreaming. In my dreams, I was never with you. You were always happy, content and glowing. Your smile always eluded me, but I see it. It’s just that, you were never back with me.

Why would I want to keep in that state, when all I would feel is envy?

One reason…is because I see you.

Nothing else matters, nothing in this whole wide world.

Cheesy?

Yes.

True?

Absolutely!

I need you more than ever. Though I’m not really pleading my case, I’m just letting it all out. I could steal you back. I did it once, I could do it again. Its crazy isn’t it?

It always is, when it’s you and I involved.

I could still remember you telling me…’don’t ever leave me. I don’t know what I’ll do if you left me’.

February 19, 2002.

That was the day I died.

Was it because I wasn’t there? I knew that you still have strong feelings for me when I saw you a few months after that fateful day. So strong, that I could have sworn you were telling me to stay and never leave again. A year after that passed. I saw you again, and that same sparkle was there whenever you look at me. I played it cool back then, didn’t I?

I got over you, yes.

I just never got over us.

Nothing ever hurt like you.

pure fiction

I feel the need....the need for......

So it has been a hell of a month for me. So many things came up and so many things happened that I thought it was beyond my control.

I think I do have a firmer grasp of the things to come, so I figured, I’d post something today.

November was really stressful. It felt like everything was cascading and I was the target.

I’ve been having some finance issues, but that’s beyond my concern now. I think everyone is having the same problems, so what to do? Deal with it.

It’s the holidays, and what better way to celebrate it, is to just roll with the punches.

I’ve been trying to re-learn how to play the piano, and its going bonkers. So I tried practicing on my acoustic guitar, which is annoying me because the damn action is set too high for my standard. My Stratocaster is also frustrating me because I can’t play loud enough in my apartment. I thought I should just sell it.

It’s really hard to part with it though. Since it’s my first strat, and I love it. I’ve only had a couple of gigs with it, and now, it’s just sitting on my guitar rack.

My special friend is having issues with getting employment. I tried to pull some strings to get her started, but I feel that her drive is just underwhelming. She has to figure out what she wants to do, and I’ll still be 100% supportive.

Social life is like driving on your way to Las Vegas. You intermittently see good stuff on the way, but there really is no time in stopping and enjoying the moment, thought the biggest excitement to come is miles and miles away. You’d lay over to get gas, just to stretch your legs, but then your back in your saddle (in this case your car), and dredge through that grueling drive. In which now you think, is it really worth it all the hype and anticipation?

December 13 is coming fast. It’s just 10 days away and it the 1^st Year Anniversary of a wonderful website that my friend started. Fil-amusic.com’s ‘Yule Rock ‘08’. Last year, we had about 14 bands playing, but this time, it’s reduced to just ten. It should be a great night to just enjoy, listen and mix in with the people who love to do gigs here and there.

I have been listening to some new tunes lately. I just got Adele and Justin Nozuka. These two are amazing artists. They’re lyrics hit hard and hit you good.

There’s nothing good on TV. I used to reserve my Monday nights just so I could watch Heroes. I got to tell you that this show has gone from hype, to pulling though, then just jumped the shark in just three mere seasons. I still watch the show before that which is ‘Chuck’. It’s a campy nerd/spy triage which is just a good enough reason to just sit back and relax. It also helps that Yvonne Strahovski is uber hot.

Someone is stalking me. So I don’t pick up my phone, unless I know who’s calling. (Oh, such random stuff)

House M.D. is still kick ass, but its on too early, so I still have to look for other things to pass the time before I go to bed.

I haven’t been to the movies in eight months. Not that I’m complaining. Dinner plans though, have been on a steady flow. I wish that she’d just go with me when I hang out with my musically inclined friends. Its good though.

I miss my friends in the Philippines.

While driving on my way home everyday, I always sink into the thought that I should have just stayed home. I could’ve been around my friends when they needed my back. I’m talking about my friends back in college and my flat mates. I miss those days where I was their go to guy. I miss being needed.

Now, life is just surviving. It sucks.

That’s not its suppose to be right?

We should be taking in as much as we can. Now, I’m all consumed by my work, my financial needs then it goes back 360 degrees.

A vortex, which gobbles up all my energy to do other things, good things.

I’m not that arrogant to think that I’m better than the rest, but passionate enough to know that I could be something else. I used to think that what I do is help people get the dream home that they want. Help them set their finances straight and foresee a better future. I loved how their eyes sparkle when I explain to them things that they never thought was possible with their budget and still live their lives as they are accustomed.

Now, it’s a chore to even get up in the morning.

Being an economist is a drag. I admit I like theories and speculations, most specially…numbers. An economist who is also trained in the discipline of philosophy and logic is boring.

You probably thought I was going to say something spectacular.

Having two degrees with nowhere to go is mind-numbing.

I’m just gonna sip on my black coffee for now and spend a couple hours at the gym tonight.

Ho hummm…..